The world is always spinning and sometimes it feels as though it is spinning upside down. It’s hard to hold on, even though there’s gravity that ties me to this Earth, I do not feel as though I am a part of it. The Earth spins so out of control that I start to feel it’s heaviness and speed in my chest, I start to suffocate, full of anxiety. I spin around and around and around, I cannot let go. I step back and attempt to catch my breath only to taste the familiar scent of exhaustion. Then I awake. I awake surrounded by the ones who judge us, I awake to the ones who tell me I am not good enough today, I am not good enough any day. I slowly cusp my ears to stop their angry words from entering my soul but they find themselves slipping through the cracks of my fingers and then again, I hear the world judging me for things that I have no control.
I step up and move forward, pushing through the judgmental people, I then realize these people are the same ones who claim they wouldn’t hurt me, claim that they love me and want what’s best for me. They love me? They want what’s best for me? Yet, they hurt me with their knives in my back. It is those that are the reason I do not trust anyone. That I do not give someone the chance to hold the knife and that I do not turn my back and always look people straight in the eyes, never lose eye contact.
The fear of every one else looking upon me, judging me comes to surpass in time. I learn to be my own person, I learn to be a better person, and I learn to adapt to the world around me and instead of attempting to be a part of a world that I do not understand, I move forward and I create my own world, one that I am so familiar with, one that I am comfortable in.
Have you ever just needed someone’s attention and it’s like you’re screaming so loud but yet no one can hear or see you? Almost as though you’ve become a ghost to people that matter to you. Now don’t get me wrong I am very much aware that people have their own lives and they must live them. However, I am a firm believer that we all need the comfort of other people and to have others in our lives. It’s not healthy to be lonely.
What am I getting at?
Three years ago I left the face of the book, friends, family and everything. The tension and drama got so bad that I was unable to handle the stress of FB. Well, last year I realized how important it is to stay in the zone with my kids school and I can do it easily but FB. Which made me reactivate it and thus starting an entire new chapter in my social media frenzy. I am calling it quits again. I don’t want to be that close to people. I don’t want to check my FB 24/7 to see what others are doing, I don’t want to see someone who dislikes me or me dislike them liking things and then creep on their stuff, I don’t want to feel entrapped in the world of FB and all the problems that come with it. Thus… I am not deactivating it but I will not be participating in my FB profile.
What does this even mean?
It means though I will have an active profile and have friends on there I will not be updating you on my life. Now, I may continue to add photos of the kids every now and then. I will be on my group and still running it. I will have messenger installed on my phone in case teachers need to reach me. I will be available for contact. I will also be running my FB Page with the same name.
All Other Social Media….
I have deleted all my social media apps from FB, Snapchat, all the way to Instagram. If you really want to find me I guess you would know how.
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It is officially the first holiday of “The Holidays Season” and it’s such a great feeling except, what is up with our weather. It’s like 80 degrees outside and it’s Fall?? I guess it’s normal to wear shorts in some parts of the country during this time of year. Even so… Happy Halloween to all those people out there.
My 5 year old received his first Student of the Week ever this year on Friday. I was in the gym watching all the kids who weren’t supposed to wear mask, wearing them anyways and the overexcited children talking so loud because they had a school
Halloween, excuse me “Fall” Party that day. It got me to thinking, why are people such babies? I remember when I was a kid and got to wear my costume to school, parade around the block, and then go eat the cookies at my party.. I had fun. It wasn’t about religion or monsters. People are just huge party poopers! Just because we dress up and act all crazy on Halloween does not mean that we are going to start a ritual and start a magic spell to possess you and some of us are Pagans. We don’t look at Halloween parties as a time to celebrate our religion.
Schools have taken every single “religion” name out of parties. Our school parties are “Fall” “Winter” “Valentines Day”. Because of course Valentines Day is not a religious party at all. Again, I’m Pagan, I do not celebrate Christmas the way the world does, but I call it Christmas, I have Santa Clause for my children, as this is something children with imaginations should be able to grow up and celebrate and have memories, wonderful childhood memories.
Happy Halloween everyone and have a safe trick or treating night. My kids are Cap’n America, Sonic The HedgeHog, Spiderman, A Pirate, and Cookie Monster this year 🙂 My husband and I have matching shirts, totally not planned but it turned out to be a great idea anyways.