The world is always spinning and sometimes it feels as though it is spinning upside down. It’s hard to hold on, even though there’s gravity that ties me to this Earth, I do not feel as though I am a part of it. The Earth spins so out of control that I start to feel it’s heaviness and speed in my chest, I start to suffocate, full of anxiety. I spin around and around and around, I cannot let go. I step back and attempt to catch my breath only to taste the familiar scent of exhaustion. Then I awake. I awake surrounded by the ones who judge us, I awake to the ones who tell me I am not good enough today, I am not good enough any day. I slowly cusp my ears to stop their angry words from entering my soul but they find themselves slipping through the cracks of my fingers and then again, I hear the world judging me for things that I have no control.
I step up and move forward, pushing through the judgmental people, I then realize these people are the same ones who claim they wouldn’t hurt me, claim that they love me and want what’s best for me. They love me? They want what’s best for me? Yet, they hurt me with their knives in my back. It is those that are the reason I do not trust anyone. That I do not give someone the chance to hold the knife and that I do not turn my back and always look people straight in the eyes, never lose eye contact.
The fear of every one else looking upon me, judging me comes to surpass in time. I learn to be my own person, I learn to be a better person, and I learn to adapt to the world around me and instead of attempting to be a part of a world that I do not understand, I move forward and I create my own world, one that I am so familiar with, one that I am comfortable in.
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I have been away for longer than I expected to be due to some unforeseen circumstances in my life and concerning my family. I am back, maybe that was the wrong term, I am here and I am different. Have you ever had an experience that changed your entire life forever? So it makes you not the same person? I’ve had many, as I am sure others have had as well.
Trying to find a voice in this world can be quite difficult at times and it’s no fun when you feel that you’re screaming at the top of your lungs but no one can hear, no one cares, and no one understands. I’ve been there time and time again. Though I try to be the best friend I can be, I am not always. I am not always the most supportive person because I am dealing with something myself. Not everyone can always be here for you and that is what I am still learning even though I am an adult. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself, your children, and your family even through the pain and through the tears.
Welcome to my new blog name and what my blog will be about from this point on. Life events, supporting each other, parenting, and those things that we just don’t always want to talk about.
Have you ever just needed someone’s attention and it’s like you’re screaming so loud but yet no one can hear or see you? Almost as though you’ve become a ghost to people that matter to you. Now don’t get me wrong I am very much aware that people have their own lives and they must live them. However, I am a firm believer that we all need the comfort of other people and to have others in our lives. It’s not healthy to be lonely.
What am I getting at?
Three years ago I left the face of the book, friends, family and everything. The tension and drama got so bad that I was unable to handle the stress of FB. Well, last year I realized how important it is to stay in the zone with my kids school and I can do it easily but FB. Which made me reactivate it and thus starting an entire new chapter in my social media frenzy. I am calling it quits again. I don’t want to be that close to people. I don’t want to check my FB 24/7 to see what others are doing, I don’t want to see someone who dislikes me or me dislike them liking things and then creep on their stuff, I don’t want to feel entrapped in the world of FB and all the problems that come with it. Thus… I am not deactivating it but I will not be participating in my FB profile.
What does this even mean?
It means though I will have an active profile and have friends on there I will not be updating you on my life. Now, I may continue to add photos of the kids every now and then. I will be on my group and still running it. I will have messenger installed on my phone in case teachers need to reach me. I will be available for contact. I will also be running my FB Page with the same name.
All Other Social Media….
I have deleted all my social media apps from FB, Snapchat, all the way to Instagram. If you really want to find me I guess you would know how.
I will be updating you on my recent Keto results and blog changes so please follow me to stay up to date!
I usually don’t do too many reviews on my blog but I have been trying to find an alternative method for my kids to use while studying for school. I have one child, in particular, that is a bit behind in his education and I had to look at various websites to see what homeschool/after school options were best for his needs.
What is Time4Learning?
Time4Learning is a website that you can enroll your children in for either after school study, homework or just to have a little extra education.
Since they offer multiple pricing options and sometimes a discount I won’t go into details about costs. However, you are more than welcome to check out their website at Time4Learning.com for more information about prices.
As a parent, I had a hard time finding a platform that would live up to my standards. I want my kids to learn a lot and have fun doing it. I like to also be in control over what my child is learning and Time4Learning allowed me to do just that. With their platform, I was able to assign certain assignments to my son and we also have a nice paper trail of what he has done.
I like the fact that we can keep grades and have a record of everything in case I do decide to homeschool him some time.
I would 100% recommend a parent to use Time4Learning for homeschool or after school extra education reasons.
I was compensated for this, but this is a true review of my own thoughts and Time4Learning did not tell me what to write.
Mothers Day, what a wonderful day to celebrate your mother and be celebrated as a mother. However, I will not be celebrating my own mother because she is No Mother of Mine.
Previously my blog had a ton of posts telling you exactly how I feel about my own mother. Let me take one step back and explain to you that I don’t call her mom. I call her by her first name because to me she isn’t a mother at all. Now, before you start judging me about how I should not treat my mother in such a way, let me tell you a bit about her.
It started off before I was born. She didn’t even want me. She looked into abortions and for some strange reason she backed out. Now, I am thankful for that of course, but she didn’t do it because she had a kind heart. Who knows why she made that choice. She pawned me off on my great grandma’s and she did some pretty awful things when I was a baby. Like put me out in the snow, keep me from my biological father and tell him I wasn’t his, the list can go on forever. When I was a teenager she would tell me I was fat. I really thought I was fat, I wore a jacket every day to cover up my rolls, I was size 7 jeans and 130 pounds, 5′ 6″. I was NOT fat. As I said the list can go on forever.
I’m not mad about the way she used to treat me. It’s how she treats my kids. She has nothing to do with the youngest five. She became very obsessive over my oldest son and she does the same thing to my sisters’ kids except she has a bit more to do with her second son. It got to the point that I had to tell her if she didn’t leave him alone we would get a restraining order. She’s seen my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th son only one time. My last two kids, she hasn’t seen at all. The last time we even spoke to each other was three years ago and it’s because I was stopping to see my grandma. My 2nd son was in the back of the car and my grandma brought up my 4th son’s hair and how curly and poofy it was… and my mom was like “Adam has straight hair” and smiled all big, not even acknowledging my son in the backseat. I said “Tyler has straight hair too” and pointed at him… and she just looked him up and down like she didn’t even care. This argument escalated because I confronted her about coming to the kids birthdays. She never comes to see them and she told me that she has a life and doesn’t have time to come and see my kids. She then told me she doesn’t care about me and walked off.
So, nope I didn’t have a mother to say Happy Mothers Day to..I had a grandmother to say it too. A woman who raised me. A woman who taught me to be a great mom and a woman I look up to. I’m glad she’s here for me still and that she loves all of my babies equally.
Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms! Please share what your kids got you! Mine got me some amazing handmade cards from school and chocolates!
Food is just wonderful. I love food, it’s just so great to get a tasty meal and get your tummy full. What you don’t know is that 90% of what we call food, really isn’t food at all. If you go to my Facebook page you will see just what I’m talking about. A man finally looked at the box of cereal his kids were eating and discovered it had Trisodium Phosphate in it.
What is Trisodium Phosphate?
Glad you asked! It’s paint thinner. Yes, you read that right. Our kids’ cereal has paint thinner in it. You can read more about it on Online Holistic Health.
Quoted Directly from Livestrong:
If you consume large quantities of trisodium phosphate in its crystallized form, you are likely to experience abdominal pain and a burning sensation in the digestive tract. Large doses may cause chemical shock or collapse, according to the International Programme on Chemical Safety. As a dry powder, trisodium phosphate has a corrosive effect on your skin, eyes and respiratory system. If you work with chemicals, avoid smoking or eating on the job before washing your hands.
You can read more here.
Read the Box! Yes, it takes more time in the store but stop and read everything on the back of package and boxes. You will be completely surprised at what you discover. Get to know your foods!
I have been on a clean eating adventure since the start of 2017. It has been really difficult for me. Because everything has chemicals and awful things in them. You basically have to eat fresh. But, paint thinner in food that is marketed to children? That is beyond disbelief. Please take a moment and educate yourselves before allowing little tummies to eat these awful foods.
I know this is a tad bit late, I’ve been super busy with the new baby and just life in general. My fourth birthing experience went just like the rest, in fact, I was due on Christmas day and really did not want to have a baby on Christmas, so they induced me about 6 days early. I did get an epidural with him before I even started to feel the contractions.
In fact, this is probably the least eventful birthing experience between all 6 boys that I have ever had. I mean my first one was extreme because he was my first child, my second one was supposed to be a girl, and my third one was born without induction. But, I was induced with number four, I had an epidural, everything went as it usually would.